Tiny Finger Point Hand With Heart pandaroma: 2015




19 December 2015

Emo strikes

I've discovered that I'm an introvert. I hate facing the crowd. And I'm being haunted by the feeling of loneliness. I get nostalgic easily. Sometimes when I passed by a place that I used to share memories with the beloved ones, emotional waves hit me like a truck. I've had so many insecurities, and I procrastinate at most of the times. I often follow the rules in the family, and I've been known for being obedient- ensuring myself to do household chores , to avoid the blabbering of my mom lol. I've had insecurities around people...and I feel uncomfortable when there's people staring at me. I feel like an outcast, a left out.. I'd rather snuggle at home watching my device than plaster a smile to face this harsh and realistic world.
Honestly, I think today's society judge social standard by the appearance. I really disagree to this statement, because I'd rather have no friends than having fake friends who are there for you when you are up, but betrayed u when u are down. There are too many fake people in today's society and unfortunately there isn't any fake people detector device to detect them.. The only truth seeker is time. Time will prove us the true colour of a person.. Well.. What am I saying now lol..
Few days ago I went to a mall. My friends went to watch other movies so I was left behind, then I decided to watch Krampus all alone to kill time while waiting for them to come out from the cinema. It's actually my first time to watch movie alone so I was nervous. The entire movie watching process was quite okay. When I went out of the cinema, I rested my shoulders on the side of the glass and feel damn lonely. People come and go, but I still stood in stationery to wait for my friends to come out from the cinema exit. Suddenly I spotted a man wearing a cap walking towards me and I instinctually ran to the toilet nearby and called my other group of friends. I actually enjoy being alone, but not in a secluded, confined place where teenagers like to roam around. I seriously do not belong there.
Talk about procrastinating, I think I'll win an award if there's even a contest of it. Right now I had a long term school holiday but I don't use it wisely. I spent time playing Tetris, watching drama, books for entertainment and my homeworks are left there untouched. I already had the determination to start doing my homeworks, but time management is what i had lacked of. I tend to waste time on doing household chores assigned by my mum then the rest of the day I'll play with my phone checking Facebook updates. At the end of the day always been regretful for not spending my time wisely. Furthermore school is going to reopen about two weeks time and alas I'm still procrastinating like a hoe. Yeah, it's not absurd, I'm serious about the 'do household chores for a day' part. My mom is like finding evil under every rock, finding any possible mistakes so she can yell to me == then I end up being her household chore minion and she's under control of everything. Damn. The major problem is my time management. Geezz I hate getting involved in exams and everything. I only know there's a lot of crap happening now and it's a nuisance to me. The nuisances are obstructing me to lurch forward to my goals. And I'm getting annoyed! I hope I can get all the shits back together before the new year strikes. Yikes, I hate myself at this moment. Being so helpless, defenceless, pathetic and clueless. Lol.

11 December 2015

Gosh

omg. I totally don't look forward to this dull peculiar trip. It's gonna be a one day trip and I'm already bored with the schedule. It's really amusing, absurd kind of way. Who travels all the way, in a great distance for a few hours just to stay in a confined area and then travels back and pretends like nothing ever happened??  Omg. It's so not what I imagined. We could have spend some quality time at the mall, at least. But, sad to say there's no even tiny whiny bit of chance to do so. I dislike obeying the rules like a psycho, but what can I say lol. What's the fun anyway.. I'm sooo looking forward to this LOL. Inserts sarcasm emoji*

09 December 2015

Holiday

School holidays had molded me into someone I can't even recognise. I had a whale of time in reading great books, playing tetris battle in fb without any purpose all day long. It's hard to control the desire to stop playing addictive games like this. I can't help myself but at the end of every gaming day, I'll feel regretful for what I've done- spending the whole day doing nonsense. The pile of homework at my desk left untouched and I felt bad for not touching it.  Every morning, I'll deal with lots of household chores and uses it as an excuse for not being able to commence my homework. Just saying.. But honestly, household chores are such a humongous burden.

Now that my sis is having fun at KL and I'm still stucking in my hometown, I need to do extra work. The house is quieter and serene (?) without the rock pop songs from her daily jams- iKON. It's obviously damn quieter and weirder but I get used to it. After all, I'm going to a national camp in a few day's time. Then the house will be damn freaking quiet. But I'll be gone for 3 days, so I guess not much will change in this time interval?

I don't know if I'm making the right decision or not- attending the camp. I mean, this is my first time, much to my shame. Usually during the holidays I'll go travelling with my sis but not now. I've got something meaningful to do, I suppose. Going to camp= meeting new friends and you'll never know who's your campmate. It's probably a big event, coz Chinese schools from the whole penisular malaysia(?) is going to assemble at there. 20 representatives will go to the camp and i'm one of them..

Recently I've read a good collection of five-logy books. and I LOVED IT. Although there might be some grammar issues, but overall it's freaking awesome!!

Rating: 4/5
And the series is SHADOW FALLS SERIES. I'd read Kylie's POV, which is equivalent to 5 books. I like how the author writes the twist plot, the romantic part between Kylie x Derek and Kylie x Lucas 
Oh my god my feels. It's perfect. But there are some freaky parts, so I suppose you should get mental preparation before reading it LOL! 
I personally ship Kylie and Lucas because Lucas is damn sweet and caring :D Kylie is lucky to have him. Imagine a hot blonde werewolf with blue eyes

I sincerely hope the books can be interpreted into movies and that'll be hella awesome :D And I'll be switching into a crazy spazzing fan girl 

If you're curious about how the books look like, here's the cover page of Shadow falls series. I took it from Google so credits from Google.


* I haven't read Turned at Dark*

After reading this series, I couldn't help myself feeling giddy and searched for more in fanfiction websites. Oh my god, it's so heavenly nice!! 
Highly recommended!

  

02 November 2015

..

I'm literally worried with my exam results and my current catch-up speed at school. I sensed Something wrong. I've made a conclusion that I'm so desperate that I'd lose every single competition i had participated. Gosh what am I doing anyway? Maybe that's the consequent of getting too much pride over things I'd thought I could achieve. My mind is cluttered and I felt so damn lost. Lost in my own thoughts, I couldn't comprehend the confusion that overpowered my mind.  What's even worse- the teachers are pressing us to the maximum as there's a poor quantity of us that's qualified for sc1. SPM is giving me immense stress! I cannot imagine myself taking such major exam. It'll just determine where I'll stand after I graduate. It's inevitable.. Argh I knew such thing would happen sooner or later.. I don't care I wanna achieve those goals before graduation. Cause life's too short and it's the memories behind it that enlighten our lives. I don't wanna regret. Just gotta work hard. Of course things wouldn't be easy as it sounds.. I'm not a prodigy but I'm ambitious  :)

22 October 2015

Just... Tired

I'm conscious about my self worthy and I felt numb.. What's wrong with me? Maybe I'm tired of everything else. I felt tired for my incessant procrastination. Why didn't things go the way I wished? And btw, it's hazy here and I don't feel like going to school. I don't wanna face exam... I had barely time but now procrastination inundated me.. I felt a surge of remorse but couldn't do anything to help myself up from my downfall. I am worn out and the future seemed to be ambiguous. Sometimes I wish time can stop for a moment, or bring me back to those good old days (probably I didn't have one) 
How can I be so passive when it goes to studying? I think My grades slowly deteriorating.. Is that even my concern? Why the hell did I care so much for my EOY result? I demand for an explanation from my tangled heart. Geez. Life is never easy. It's like more downs than ups. I am really really tired. My heart and my mind, they're all sore. 

03 October 2015

Breakeven

Still alive but I'm barely breathing. Am I normal? I still can't get over him after a year. Sometimes I think I'm pathetic, knowing there's no hope but I refuse to let go.... What happened to me? Usually the one-sided feeling won't last long but in this case, it's already more than a year? I had no guts so I'll just remain to have a crush on this guy..
I'm so confused. What spell has he cast on me, until part of me cannot control my feelings and those skipping heartbeats.. I'm disoriented in the path of confusion. The fear of rejection. The moment of truth. I just can't face the reality. Wanna discard the feelings but I just couldn't. The more you choose not to care, the more it matters to you.
The reality is harsh. It will ruin your dream and tear away your once positive creed. So I'd choose to dream rather than facing the reality.
Alas, what am I talking about now? I should get prepared for my upcoming EOY exam. It's rare for me to post such kind of things. But I'm overwhelmed by those feelings. I need somewhere to explode and confess!! And this is the best place to do so lol.
And for those who know me, dont be surprised by my sudden confession. It's normal for a human being to like someone right? it'll be a lie if you don't. I just couldn't bring up such things during a normal conversation.
And you probably have no idea who's that ambiguously-described guy.
 Note to self: don't get over attached to someone unless they feel the same. Otherwise, you'll only experience breakeven!

17 September 2015

Frustration

Oh damn. I'm a mess. Frustrating over things which I can't get the idea behind of it. I'm screwed up. Oh gosh. Why on earth does Sj exists?! This subject has nothing that favours me. It's like testing your memorial skills but not understanding skills, so what's the point of memorising these unrelated things... Such a headache. When I seek help from teachers, I had a devil in my mind halting me to do so. It's embarrassing to ask the same thing over and over again right? I can't do anything much about it. Geez. The exam date is approaching. 10 days left until school reopens. Hah maybe after all, I deserve this. I had put myself on study hiatus for many a time. DAMNNNN HATE EXAMMMMM!!!! ARGHHHH!!!! Stupid me, keep blaming the difficulty of it when I've done nothing to fight towards the upcoming finals. Sigh. I need therapy. ASAP.

30 August 2015

not the only one

I've stumbled upon a blog and the contents inspired me. Here's a conclusion: We all are the same actually. Everyone's hiding their true self under their mask. If we take time to reveal ourselves, we'll be surprisingly shocked to meet the most unexpected people who are actually the same type with us.

Straight to the point- I need more concentration in studies. the final exam's just around the corner.. about 3 more weeks down.. You need to put in alot of effort to get the best result. but crap, recently I've fallen in love with anime series. Those feelings are uncontrollable tho. Geez, is that the result of over-stressing? The feels when you get to watch a great shoujou anime... is just wonderful. (A type of romance anime)

Nope I'm not gonna watch manga. Being self-aware that manga has tons of series and updates, I will control my crazily fangirling heart. Lols it's already 12 sharp in the night, like usual, I sleep late. Geez.. sleep earlier you jackass.

20 August 2015

Screwed

finals are coming, and here im procrastinating in the middle of nowhere.. I've come to realise that my result are deteriorating as new chapters became harder than ever.. It feels like everything is already falling apart.. And then now I've gotta do extra household chores and I had barely any time to revise... I don't know how to manage this damn packed time and do my revision. Life became so meaningless and I show no interest in any subjects in particular. I don't know why I am studying those freaking 10 subjects ? I feel nothing, like a lifeless soul and it's really futile .. However The grand exam is too important because it'll determine my future? Is it predestined or what- that I've the biggest possibility to stay in f6? The feeling is like locking myself in a confined cage while lying myself that everything's gonna be fine. I hate that feeling and I'm experiencing it now. I don't know what subject I'm gonna take for f6... Maybe it's a few years' matter but I CARE. I can't picture myself in the next few years.

Life's a rat race. If you stumbled, you are slowly losing. If you get complacent, you'll be replaced. There's nothing in between.

Honestly, Stress is a damn headache. Memorising things is never my forte.

Sometimes, ignorance is a bliss. I wished life could be easier. #impossible

04 August 2015

Angst

Have you ever experienced a terrible feeling - where all your hard work became futile? Where you couldn't achieve what you've always wanted although you had already tried your best? You feel damn downbeat and do not feel like doing anything. In fact, you had spent so much time- weeks, or perhaps, months, to prepare for that particular event and hoped all the odds will go on your way. You were devastated when all hell of the hard works does not paid off. You keep wailing and screaming in agony for the misfortune of your life. Why does it turn to be exactly the opposite to that you've wanted? Why? You were defeated and heave a huge sigh of angst.

Everyone were a witness to your hardworking. They knew you worked hard enough just for this mere event. They noticed your vacant seat and immediately knew you were preparing for your business again. They advised you not to stress yourself out but you insisted to go on preparing for your event. For you, the event is your everything. It's very precious in your eyes that you can neglect your all-time favourite subjects and do bad in your exam just for its preparation. You knew all of these hard works were worth it. 

Your friends and family supported you to the fullest at the moment you stepped into the entrance. Hundreds of pairs of eyes were staring at your appearance. You had the brightest beam yet- You confidently thought that you could beat them all and be a champion. The day before this, you prepared for the second round because you thought you could pass the first challenge to proceed to the rest. You've memorised your lines and giggled excitedly with your teammates as you thought of the coming day. 

You prayed and wished your teammates for good luck. You were over-confident that you would be in the top 5 teams to proceed to the second round. First question, correct. Second, wrong. It's alright. Just one question, I can still do it. Then the next following questions leave you speechless. Mouth gaped, you were shocked as you knew nothing about the questions. You hoped Lady Luck would appear by your side. Everything's in vain. Your marks started to deteriorate. You were sad and speechless. All the time, all those preparation turned futile as you stared at the brimming screen, which mainly appeared entertainment trivia. Those questions were your ultimate Achilles heel. Your one and only weakness. 

You closed your eyes before the result appeared in the screen. Team 16. Your rank is at the ninth place. The overall difference was just the speed. All the team's scores had no difference. You held back your tears, only to see your teammates breaking down at the incident. You were heartbroken- why does it have to happen!? Out of so many topics we had covered, why this??!! You couldn't fathom the disappointment and heartbreak. Right after you reached home, you locked yourself in your room, feeling depressed to do anything. You couldn't handle the fact that you were disqualified. You were raging, screeching all the way. You received many messages from your beloved ones- friends, family and you broke down crying a lot. All those overwhelming feelings bottled up inside your heart had finally come out. 

You became sensitive. Whenever there's anything related to the event, you felt like crying. Your smile stiffened, but you are actually dying inside. If any passerbyes saw your condition, they would think that you experienced a break up. But this is worse than a break up. Nothing can chill you down. The reality is indeed harsh. Reluctantly, you accepted it and forced yourself to get out of your comfort zone. Things got harder, so you gotta be stronger.  Perhaps it was a bliss in disguise. You come to realise that you just gotta move on. Staying in the shadow of despair wouldn't help you anyway. You also come to realise that you still got one final match. At least, one. It's better than none, isn't it? You don't hold high hopes to anything because it might get worse if things doesn't go with the way you wanted. 

22 July 2015

In a surge of time

this week is damn packed with a bunch of activities! I'm so damn busy right now and need to juggle my precious time with preparing of the ultimate competition that spends most of my time but I can assure myself the result would be pretty beautiful :*...And for my days-after exam( nay) and I need to do revision. FML. I had barely any time to rest. Maybe it's busy but I hope it's worth it.... Clasping hands.. ITS OBVIOUSLY GONNA BE WORTH IT U IDIOT BAKA

So, I should get started to plan well. No more procrastination. There's countless f*cks repeated in my mind haha.. And this is what we call STRESS.  Jiayou bah LSL!!! Beat the impossible and conquer the inconquerable!! Don't give them a shit :D (excuse me I'm motivating the shit out of me)

07 July 2015

Irked

The difference between genius and stupidity is that; stupidity has no limits. - Albert Einstein.

I was peeved for my stupid behaviour in any forms!! So careless yet so dumb, I still couldn't solve my own problems related to my life and the difficulties in my studies.. I've come a crossed with so many questions but I remained silent...

That is stupid, I know. I cannot help myself being such an asshole that is denser than a concrete!! Fuck this stupid behaviour; it HELPED me so much that I was perplexed in many subjects...

Being a normal human I forget things easily, especially the peribahasa which I've been working on for a year... I couldn't help being emotional and it hurts to accept the fact that I've already forgotten most of them....

Now I can conclude a thing: form 4 life is not yet for honeymoon. Strive hard and struggling between projects & homeworks and those freaking monthly tests... I just couldn't bear it!

Im hereby to complain Someone who taught me maths and it is damn terrible -.- I cannot understand a single thing from her.. And she often got mood swings as if she's on her worse days everyday? Sulking while sitting at the chair, not willing to teach us... And when we asked her questions she will hiss:" WHy you don't pay attention during my lesson?! That's why u dunno how to solve this! " and that makes me speechless

So now my maths is damn terrible! Hopeless

Define hopeless?
Hopeless is when u know that your knowing is limited and you have no choice but to copy the answers from your friends unwillingly

That's what I felt.. I hate being hopeless

Spurt out the Condensed

I raised my head up
Escaped from the confined trap
Stick and stones will not break me
Heartbeat still palpitating 
My lips went trembling
Gazing at the sea of crowd
And I'm standing by my feet
Overwhelmed
By the miasma of crowd
I surged to find my inner peace
But fear devoured
Conquered the unconquered soul
There might be a slim chance
I keep my head up
Glinting the lights of hope

-S.Li


I'm gonna change this undeniably true fact about myself whenever I faced a crowd of people! And slowly I could see the positive result of my hardwork. It takes A LOT of time to transform myself for the better. Right now, I think I'm able to express myself well much much better than last time. There's no formula , you just gotta be expressive :) Curse words might help a lot. 

To myself: If you ever feared the future, visualise your success and KEEP CALM. nothing's gonna work if you are flustered. 2nd, think of the quote:" I'm gonna give out all my inner strength to this presentation today and impress the motherfuckers! Fuck all the way!!!" Haha lol, excuse me if you don't mind. Those words really helps me out !



#How's my random poem :P

25 June 2015

Things wont be the same again

Nobody can substitute her part when it comes to doing household chores. Literally we have had a hard time to fit in this hectic schedule and barely had no time to do any other activities. I hate the fact that things are not the same after her departure. We are all damn busy with our own business.. And I had an idiosyncracy that I hate to live in a  home that is a dog's breakfast. This just makes me lack of focus and rather than studying, I spent damn long time to clean up the mess.. lol and finally I didn't do anything efficient for educational.. This is just unbearable. I cannot withstand the pressure that exams are coming, like again, but i'm still here busying with those...

just now i've discussed this matter with someone lol. I think I'm thinking and worrying way too much, not to mention that i've neglected my studies for a whole week. Damn, i need to get started!! I just realise that time is damn precious for me right now.. I cannot spend a minute daydreaming like before! :(( I cannot fathom this sudden change in my schedule.. it's annoying af! Like mosquitoes, all annoying matters that divides away my freaking attention!

I need a break! Things are different now and I can see the contrast of it.. 

Changing is a process of growing up... Just face the reality and grow up from the comfort zone. Maybe, this could be a good kickstart?

Whether it is a good or bad beginning, I hope it's worth it... 

15 June 2015

Damn

I'm very dissatisfied with my current exam results. There's a meagre boundary between one grade to another and there's some subjects i almost scored well.. Just a tiny whinny bit of gap- 1 or 2 marks to achieve a better grade!

Chinese subject isn't my jam tho... And I got a C for that. guess what, physics is a headache, I nearly got a B for it! One more mark!! But I was expecting it to be more than that... While my chemistry is at risk- at the starting line of B..... Geez!

This year is not a joke.. It's definitely not a year to honeymoon.. Nor did next year. I just realise that my science and literature subjects definitely need an improvement, because my results were drastically dropping..

I have no idea how physic, chemistry and biology works! most probably all of them are memorise subjects lol.......

Damn it they are deteriorating. I don't expect to get top for this time. Maybe that's the moment where people go from zero to hero or vice versa... I could be the latter.
My marks are all in their danger zone... albeit trying hard..
I just don't get it. Not that I'm demanding an explanation to fulfil this curiosity. It doesn't make sense at all.
Maybe that's the start of the life when u live out of your comfort zone

10 June 2015

Won't stop

O-m-g. School is going to reopen soon and now I still have heaps of homework to deal with. I cannot agree much that I am such a lazy-bug during this 2 weeks holiday! Time spent weren't effective tho..

Good thing that during this holiday I've had an activity to keep myself preoccupied. At least, that's what I've thought. My NiE group is still in progressing and the due date is coming right up! I just hoped that we could finish it in the stipulated time given.. We still have a bunch to do.

I am such a failure during this holiday! Not going anywhere but I cannot keep my hands off from swiping screens.. Everyday I'm facebook-ing, stalking, instagramming, ask.fm-ing and etc etc....

And that's how i spent a day. Waste.

NOW IM DAMN REGRET THAT I DID NOT EVEN TOUCH A SINGLE BOOK!

I almost forgot all the study materials. Oh good brain good memory (sarcasm)

Sigh sigh sigh to the umpteen time

I NEED TO CONTROL MYSELF

Shakes head*

09 June 2015

Leaving

You're leaving us. It has been a long time with you. You are like our second guardian. You cared for our matters and problems and helped us in many forms. We couldn't do anything much but muttering you a 'thank you' is what we could do now. Everything else is futile beyond words.

Thank you for entering my life and aid us through our path of journey. Without you, I would not be able to pursue my dream freely during all these years. I know it has been more than ten years of our partnership, that everything happened- those ups and downs will be treasured at the core of our hearts.

It feels good to be united with your real family again. However, I hope you would not forget us at there and the memories we shared all these years. They were truly valuable.

Time flies in a jiffy. We all tend to grow up and became busy. We tend not to care about people at our surroundings. When they leave, it's the time that we only realize, they were there and we refused to let them go. Letting go may be a new blessing in our life, or it might be worse than before. We wouldn't know our fate after your depart.


20 April 2015

Inspiration

Here's a thing that I wanna confess :
I failed so many times and currently my attempt to understand physics is still failing though.. It sucks. But I think I'll give it a try, maybe there's a glint of hope. It's hard because it's the first time that I had ever encountered with this seemingly unfamiliar subject. Finals are coming yet I'm way much unprepared for that. 

Regardless of that, I'm glad that I came across with an inspiring quote- YNWA.. Abbreviation of "You'll never walk alone" everytime I deal with difficulties, this is the reason I held on. I guess. Just saying.

 I missed every single moment from m2. Especially ㅅㅌ it sounds unbelievable but it's inevitably true. Awesome people tend to inspire me lol. Little did I slowly realised, that i had slowly developed into some sense of infatuation(?) Words were incomprehensible to describe it.

It's okay if nobody understands what I'm typing, though. 

If you read this but you fully understands what I write, then I'm afraid that u r insane like I am now. Lol jk. Don't think of any possibilities coz whatever Im thinking is certainly different. XD I couldn't even know myself, why I am still reminiscing those memories although it has been so long since now. 

Frankly, I missed those times. I'm glad that we met. Note: not a romantic kind of scene. Not a single bit. I just missed the people there. Time changes everything, but it won't change memories. From strangers to friends. I'm just glad.

And there's some kawaii people- not to mention any single bit of them. I fancy cuties :) especially cute behaviours. Kpop idols are so cute- small eyes and cute smile and every action is so CUTEEEE! Basically I love cute things and people and food and all. But not stupidly cute hahah >_<

Don't freak out for my spazzing, cause I'm a typical fangirl ya know XD exo next door is BAEEE coz d.o is cute :D hi d.o fan here! Squishy cheeks d.o >_< 

talk about cute, I hate my height... It's classified as cute coz its short! Can I grow taller..  

I can't stand for my childish-expressed blog post. I'm sorry XD as usual, just ignore the spazzing moments


Web dust

hey peeps (just in case somebody read my blog) I'm finally back on track after my PROLONGED HIATUS! Awed, just look at the literally decorated web dusts bounded on my blog after N months' off  =.= 
Well I'm honoured to be here again lol... And right after this post I guess I won't update my poor little bloggie - next few months will be surely undoubtedly stressful and tiring! get ready- heaps of EXAMS are around the corner!!! DOOMed by reality, I yearned for a holiday or perhaps a long break pwease... TT

It's already mid frEaking APRIL! Geez GODDAMMMMM YOU PROCRASTINATING LITTLE FREAK!!!! I can't really handle so many subjects... They all come to me like a bunch of gorillas chasing for a banana x.x lol whatever I'm not over-describing 

Can I take a moment to sigh for all of my weak subjects? Haiz.... Form 4 life is not an end itself- ITZDABEGINNIN' #aintnoready for real.. I suck. Goddammit physics, Chinese... And many other subjects... Mentally unprepared for this upcoming exam.. 

Brain ah brain please function properly! I need u to memorise a whole lot of things =_= since I'm not good at remembering things :p jinjja, jeongmal lah

Sorrie for my not impeccable English- I was at rush to write this blog post :x

Frankly speaking, im so so so clueless on what am I doing for this past months. Stupid dumbish moments not to name any of them, conflicts and misunderstandings in emotions, just to name a few.. Maybe thats the idea of life.. I supposed 
 
At many times I had the thought of giving up... Why study so hard when youth is all about having fun and creating memories? I had nothing to say. No study means fail, but if study means stress! Can I heave a huge sigh now? SIGHSIGHSIGHSIGHHHHHHH 

SIGHHHHHHHH

Nah jk

SIGHHHHHHHHH

This ones longer :D =_=

And my friend commented that I started to grow WHITE HAIRS!! THEY R FREAKING DAMN WHITE  
Wahlao I'm not gonna emo lol

Am I stressed? I DK
I didn't study anything recently lol but why am I still anxious
Maybe that's the reason why I'm anxious
Yea
It should be
Shouldn't it

Btw I also feel nostalgic all of a sudden. I thought about the special event- those times.. Good old times... It makes me feel sad lah :/ 

Goddamn 
So weird
Lol
Just ignore this

Well, I suck 

I'm not that good

Maybe I'm inconceivable
I also dk what did I like..
What course am I gonna take after graduate
???????????
So many questions remained unsolved
From a over confused kiddo 
Yea, confused, you heard that right
Totally ..







18 February 2015

Tensed up

It is such a stressful month for me. Tomorrow I'll celebrate CNY, but I AM SO DAMN STRESS FOR NOW! After 6 days of holiday (which i wanna crave for more) then voila! EXAMINATION on the first school reopening day. WADAFAK :( Then the day after that, i will participate in a quiz contest.... omgomg... i duno if i had enough time to prepare all of these :'( SO MUCH OF THESE

And Biology , Sejarah test..... I didn't start to study yet :'/ Sigh..

Why so many tasks to do right after CNY.... I wanna postpone...

This year's CNY sure won't be fun. I cant enjoy. Stressful tasks will be occupying my mind. Freaking stress. Geez

And I realized my English sucks :(

Haih... havent done my homework yet, including tuition's

For now, bye !!

(The suckest post I've ever wrote)

11 January 2015

Thoughts

I often question myself, "are you really happy?" emphasize the 'really' word. I don't really think so...
Recently when I'm with my friends, I feel tension filling in the air, not to mention we may seem close in physical, but we're actually far away in heart.

Is smiling while taking selfie is a prove that you're close to your selfie buddy? No. That's not true. You may see many of them posing while taking pictures, but are they close? Will their selfie buddy helps them/ comfort them when they're down in the dumps? Or is it just as they wanted to share their joys and isolate them when they need help?

What a realistic world //

I think the length of a relationship (friendship) doesn't matters. For example, you knew X since you're in primary school, but you guys just didn't befriend. Consider X as your acquaintance. So, friendship is something which you guys understand each other and are comfortable even if you guys didn't talk.

Yep, I may be having some kind of hearing problem, but i could identify those who is real or is fake by just simply be aware of their attitude. People who sticks to you like gum because you get great grades and left you behind because your grades failed are those typical fakers. So much of them that i have already bored by watching them.

They badmouthed me. I know that well, just faking not to hear those irritating childish words spurred from those hypocrites. Like I care. That's your opinion. I know I had bad hearing. That's my problem. Who are you to judge me. You're not even perfect, me too. How we react to such sarcastic words will be our karma.

Maybe this is kinda like a gift to me, to be able to identify the good from the bad... or am i just seeking evil behind every rock? Not really. 当局者迷,旁观者清。I'm the latter.

I supposed.

I had no idea how did I passed my primary school life. A life, following a particular friend behind all the time, that she grew annoyed. By reminiscing that, I think I'm a stupid follower back to those days.
All I remembered was- it was terrible. But at year 6, I started to meet some friends that had painted some colours in my once-it-was-monochrome life. There's some of my close friends who transferred to other schools...

Always remember, you cannot treat them as your priority when they treat you as their option. True friends are ohana. Ohana means family, and family means no one is left behind. My favourite quote from Lilo and Stitch.