Tiny Finger Point Hand With Heart pandaroma: August 2015




30 August 2015

not the only one

I've stumbled upon a blog and the contents inspired me. Here's a conclusion: We all are the same actually. Everyone's hiding their true self under their mask. If we take time to reveal ourselves, we'll be surprisingly shocked to meet the most unexpected people who are actually the same type with us.

Straight to the point- I need more concentration in studies. the final exam's just around the corner.. about 3 more weeks down.. You need to put in alot of effort to get the best result. but crap, recently I've fallen in love with anime series. Those feelings are uncontrollable tho. Geez, is that the result of over-stressing? The feels when you get to watch a great shoujou anime... is just wonderful. (A type of romance anime)

Nope I'm not gonna watch manga. Being self-aware that manga has tons of series and updates, I will control my crazily fangirling heart. Lols it's already 12 sharp in the night, like usual, I sleep late. Geez.. sleep earlier you jackass.

20 August 2015

Screwed

finals are coming, and here im procrastinating in the middle of nowhere.. I've come to realise that my result are deteriorating as new chapters became harder than ever.. It feels like everything is already falling apart.. And then now I've gotta do extra household chores and I had barely any time to revise... I don't know how to manage this damn packed time and do my revision. Life became so meaningless and I show no interest in any subjects in particular. I don't know why I am studying those freaking 10 subjects ? I feel nothing, like a lifeless soul and it's really futile .. However The grand exam is too important because it'll determine my future? Is it predestined or what- that I've the biggest possibility to stay in f6? The feeling is like locking myself in a confined cage while lying myself that everything's gonna be fine. I hate that feeling and I'm experiencing it now. I don't know what subject I'm gonna take for f6... Maybe it's a few years' matter but I CARE. I can't picture myself in the next few years.

Life's a rat race. If you stumbled, you are slowly losing. If you get complacent, you'll be replaced. There's nothing in between.

Honestly, Stress is a damn headache. Memorising things is never my forte.

Sometimes, ignorance is a bliss. I wished life could be easier. #impossible

04 August 2015

Angst

Have you ever experienced a terrible feeling - where all your hard work became futile? Where you couldn't achieve what you've always wanted although you had already tried your best? You feel damn downbeat and do not feel like doing anything. In fact, you had spent so much time- weeks, or perhaps, months, to prepare for that particular event and hoped all the odds will go on your way. You were devastated when all hell of the hard works does not paid off. You keep wailing and screaming in agony for the misfortune of your life. Why does it turn to be exactly the opposite to that you've wanted? Why? You were defeated and heave a huge sigh of angst.

Everyone were a witness to your hardworking. They knew you worked hard enough just for this mere event. They noticed your vacant seat and immediately knew you were preparing for your business again. They advised you not to stress yourself out but you insisted to go on preparing for your event. For you, the event is your everything. It's very precious in your eyes that you can neglect your all-time favourite subjects and do bad in your exam just for its preparation. You knew all of these hard works were worth it. 

Your friends and family supported you to the fullest at the moment you stepped into the entrance. Hundreds of pairs of eyes were staring at your appearance. You had the brightest beam yet- You confidently thought that you could beat them all and be a champion. The day before this, you prepared for the second round because you thought you could pass the first challenge to proceed to the rest. You've memorised your lines and giggled excitedly with your teammates as you thought of the coming day. 

You prayed and wished your teammates for good luck. You were over-confident that you would be in the top 5 teams to proceed to the second round. First question, correct. Second, wrong. It's alright. Just one question, I can still do it. Then the next following questions leave you speechless. Mouth gaped, you were shocked as you knew nothing about the questions. You hoped Lady Luck would appear by your side. Everything's in vain. Your marks started to deteriorate. You were sad and speechless. All the time, all those preparation turned futile as you stared at the brimming screen, which mainly appeared entertainment trivia. Those questions were your ultimate Achilles heel. Your one and only weakness. 

You closed your eyes before the result appeared in the screen. Team 16. Your rank is at the ninth place. The overall difference was just the speed. All the team's scores had no difference. You held back your tears, only to see your teammates breaking down at the incident. You were heartbroken- why does it have to happen!? Out of so many topics we had covered, why this??!! You couldn't fathom the disappointment and heartbreak. Right after you reached home, you locked yourself in your room, feeling depressed to do anything. You couldn't handle the fact that you were disqualified. You were raging, screeching all the way. You received many messages from your beloved ones- friends, family and you broke down crying a lot. All those overwhelming feelings bottled up inside your heart had finally come out. 

You became sensitive. Whenever there's anything related to the event, you felt like crying. Your smile stiffened, but you are actually dying inside. If any passerbyes saw your condition, they would think that you experienced a break up. But this is worse than a break up. Nothing can chill you down. The reality is indeed harsh. Reluctantly, you accepted it and forced yourself to get out of your comfort zone. Things got harder, so you gotta be stronger.  Perhaps it was a bliss in disguise. You come to realise that you just gotta move on. Staying in the shadow of despair wouldn't help you anyway. You also come to realise that you still got one final match. At least, one. It's better than none, isn't it? You don't hold high hopes to anything because it might get worse if things doesn't go with the way you wanted.