Tiny Finger Point Hand With Heart pandaroma: October 2015




22 October 2015

Just... Tired

I'm conscious about my self worthy and I felt numb.. What's wrong with me? Maybe I'm tired of everything else. I felt tired for my incessant procrastination. Why didn't things go the way I wished? And btw, it's hazy here and I don't feel like going to school. I don't wanna face exam... I had barely time but now procrastination inundated me.. I felt a surge of remorse but couldn't do anything to help myself up from my downfall. I am worn out and the future seemed to be ambiguous. Sometimes I wish time can stop for a moment, or bring me back to those good old days (probably I didn't have one) 
How can I be so passive when it goes to studying? I think My grades slowly deteriorating.. Is that even my concern? Why the hell did I care so much for my EOY result? I demand for an explanation from my tangled heart. Geez. Life is never easy. It's like more downs than ups. I am really really tired. My heart and my mind, they're all sore. 

03 October 2015

Breakeven

Still alive but I'm barely breathing. Am I normal? I still can't get over him after a year. Sometimes I think I'm pathetic, knowing there's no hope but I refuse to let go.... What happened to me? Usually the one-sided feeling won't last long but in this case, it's already more than a year? I had no guts so I'll just remain to have a crush on this guy..
I'm so confused. What spell has he cast on me, until part of me cannot control my feelings and those skipping heartbeats.. I'm disoriented in the path of confusion. The fear of rejection. The moment of truth. I just can't face the reality. Wanna discard the feelings but I just couldn't. The more you choose not to care, the more it matters to you.
The reality is harsh. It will ruin your dream and tear away your once positive creed. So I'd choose to dream rather than facing the reality.
Alas, what am I talking about now? I should get prepared for my upcoming EOY exam. It's rare for me to post such kind of things. But I'm overwhelmed by those feelings. I need somewhere to explode and confess!! And this is the best place to do so lol.
And for those who know me, dont be surprised by my sudden confession. It's normal for a human being to like someone right? it'll be a lie if you don't. I just couldn't bring up such things during a normal conversation.
And you probably have no idea who's that ambiguously-described guy.
 Note to self: don't get over attached to someone unless they feel the same. Otherwise, you'll only experience breakeven!