I've discovered that I'm an introvert. I hate facing the crowd. And I'm being haunted by the feeling of loneliness. I get nostalgic easily. Sometimes when I passed by a place that I used to share memories with the beloved ones, emotional waves hit me like a truck. I've had so many insecurities, and I procrastinate at most of the times. I often follow the rules in the family, and I've been known for being obedient- ensuring myself to do household chores , to avoid the blabbering of my mom lol. I've had insecurities around people...and I feel uncomfortable when there's people staring at me. I feel like an outcast, a left out.. I'd rather snuggle at home watching my device than plaster a smile to face this harsh and realistic world.
Honestly, I think today's society judge social standard by the appearance. I really disagree to this statement, because I'd rather have no friends than having fake friends who are there for you when you are up, but betrayed u when u are down. There are too many fake people in today's society and unfortunately there isn't any fake people detector device to detect them.. The only truth seeker is time. Time will prove us the true colour of a person.. Well.. What am I saying now lol..
Few days ago I went to a mall. My friends went to watch other movies so I was left behind, then I decided to watch Krampus all alone to kill time while waiting for them to come out from the cinema. It's actually my first time to watch movie alone so I was nervous. The entire movie watching process was quite okay. When I went out of the cinema, I rested my shoulders on the side of the glass and feel damn lonely. People come and go, but I still stood in stationery to wait for my friends to come out from the cinema exit. Suddenly I spotted a man wearing a cap walking towards me and I instinctually ran to the toilet nearby and called my other group of friends. I actually enjoy being alone, but not in a secluded, confined place where teenagers like to roam around. I seriously do not belong there.
Talk about procrastinating, I think I'll win an award if there's even a contest of it. Right now I had a long term school holiday but I don't use it wisely. I spent time playing Tetris, watching drama, books for entertainment and my homeworks are left there untouched. I already had the determination to start doing my homeworks, but time management is what i had lacked of. I tend to waste time on doing household chores assigned by my mum then the rest of the day I'll play with my phone checking Facebook updates. At the end of the day always been regretful for not spending my time wisely. Furthermore school is going to reopen about two weeks time and alas I'm still procrastinating like a hoe. Yeah, it's not absurd, I'm serious about the 'do household chores for a day' part. My mom is like finding evil under every rock, finding any possible mistakes so she can yell to me == then I end up being her household chore minion and she's under control of everything. Damn. The major problem is my time management. Geezz I hate getting involved in exams and everything. I only know there's a lot of crap happening now and it's a nuisance to me. The nuisances are obstructing me to lurch forward to my goals. And I'm getting annoyed! I hope I can get all the shits back together before the new year strikes. Yikes, I hate myself at this moment. Being so helpless, defenceless, pathetic and clueless. Lol.
11 December 2015
omg. I totally don't look forward to this dull peculiar trip. It's gonna be a one day trip and I'm already bored with the schedule. It's really amusing, absurd kind of way. Who travels all the way, in a great distance for a few hours just to stay in a confined area and then travels back and pretends like nothing ever happened?? Omg. It's so not what I imagined. We could have spend some quality time at the mall, at least. But, sad to say there's no even tiny whiny bit of chance to do so. I dislike obeying the rules like a psycho, but what can I say lol. What's the fun anyway.. I'm sooo looking forward to this LOL. Inserts sarcasm emoji*
09 December 2015
School holidays had molded me into someone I can't even recognise. I had a whale of time in reading great books, playing tetris battle in fb without any purpose all day long. It's hard to control the desire to stop playing addictive games like this. I can't help myself but at the end of every gaming day, I'll feel regretful for what I've done- spending the whole day doing nonsense. The pile of homework at my desk left untouched and I felt bad for not touching it. Every morning, I'll deal with lots of household chores and uses it as an excuse for not being able to commence my homework. Just saying.. But honestly, household chores are such a humongous burden.
Now that my sis is having fun at KL and I'm still stucking in my hometown, I need to do extra work. The house is quieter and serene (?) without the rock pop songs from her daily jams- iKON. It's obviously damn quieter and weirder but I get used to it. After all, I'm going to a national camp in a few day's time. Then the house will be damn freaking quiet. But I'll be gone for 3 days, so I guess not much will change in this time interval?
I don't know if I'm making the right decision or not- attending the camp. I mean, this is my first time, much to my shame. Usually during the holidays I'll go travelling with my sis but not now. I've got something meaningful to do, I suppose. Going to camp= meeting new friends and you'll never know who's your campmate. It's probably a big event, coz Chinese schools from the whole penisular malaysia(?) is going to assemble at there. 20 representatives will go to the camp and i'm one of them..
Recently I've read a good collection of five-logy books. and I LOVED IT. Although there might be some grammar issues, but overall it's freaking awesome!!
And the series is SHADOW FALLS SERIES. I'd read Kylie's POV, which is equivalent to 5 books. I like how the author writes the twist plot, the romantic part between Kylie x Derek and Kylie x Lucas
Oh my god my feels. It's perfect. But there are some freaky parts, so I suppose you should get mental preparation before reading it LOL!
I personally ship Kylie and Lucas because Lucas is damn sweet and caring :D Kylie is lucky to have him. Imagine a hot blonde werewolf with blue eyes
I sincerely hope the books can be interpreted into movies and that'll be hella awesome :D And I'll be switching into a crazy spazzing fan girl
If you're curious about how the books look like, here's the cover page of Shadow falls series. I took it from Google so credits from Google.
* I haven't read Turned at Dark*
After reading this series, I couldn't help myself feeling giddy and searched for more in fanfiction websites. Oh my god, it's so heavenly nice!!