Years ago if this happens to me, I would be so damn elated
Wild thoughts would run
Heart beating rapidly
Face flushed red
But now all that left is just a sheer bit of happiness
nothing more than that.
Naively, I thought these so-called intoxicating feelings would last long,
But it doesn't.
Perhaps, this is what we called,
Feelings would fade.
You might see me smiling, but deep down I'm breaking into pieces. I hate to be emo but this is what I feel now. I never seemed to fit into my class. Maybe that's what they called, a leftover... the one who's often being neglected and ignored... I really hated crowded place, it makes me so uncomfortable. I want my own personal space, but at the same time I wished for someone to have the same weird introvert personality with mine. infp is my type of personality. I'm basically having a social anxiety and I couldn't deal with my impulsive feelings. I tend to be angry so fast these days and there's no reason behind my anger. I just felt like yelling and start a fight or sth that excites me.. I dreaded for a listening company... someone who don't view me as weird. Well that's just in my dreams.
Some things, we need to sacrifice....
So close yet so distant,
I can still remember those moments,
Which supposed to be a good memory,
But,
We're not friends, nor enemies,
Just strangers
With memories..
Maybe... we all start off as strangers.. but those brats will just live in their own world, don't even bothered to mingle with others..
What a pathetic life.
It's heart aching, especially when I've got no solutions to my add maths problems.. no matter how many times I've recalculated, the answer is still incorrect. Sometimes I don't understand myself.. failure supposed to be viewed as some motivation but, not with me. I need to accept the risk of failure not avoiding it by doing anything but solving problems. Hiding away is just a form of excuse. Little did I know there's more hardship to come.....
Sigh.I think I've done some foolish and unwise act these past few days. I followed my heart's whispering and ignore my brain's rational thinking. In the end a lot of time is wasted n this leads me to zero work done. I'm procrastinating, in any means, by watching anime, surfing the web for no purpose when the exam is coming at this mid april!! Now it's time to face the music.. I suck at controlling my heart n follow my instinct. Watching my parents striving so awfully to earn more money while I'm still here doing nothing makes me feel terribly bad for myself.I wanna blame myself for being unproductive. Maybe I've disappointed them to core. I'm damn sorry but I think I need a reality slap to wake up from this illusion, where I got things without hard work. That's not going to happen. Hard work leads to success.I know this philosophy but I'm super lazy to kickstart. Guess I need a massive motivation...
And I felt great to be back!!
