Annoyed yet helpless

Why am I getting those feelings again? They totally go against my beliefs... I wouldn't want to drag myself in trouble just like the past! Anxiety permeates in my mind and I can't comprehend the overwhelming feelings I have had now. Why things doesn't work in my way...? They all go opposed with my desired result. Am I too greedy to join every available contests although it was beyond my limits? Just to get extra marks for my damn curriculum, was my plan. Maybe at times you won't get what you want, instead you get the opposite. It's not a choice, but a consequence of greed and stupidity. And I had hot temper whenever I fail. Blaming others wasn't exactly the solution for covering my mistakes, but then I did it every time. I hate myself for being a stupid,hopeless, greedy, short tempered, sensational person!! Stupid me, I did worry too much over things coz they disturbed my thinking.. If life was simple I would not care anything and living like a happy dummy..

Fyi my add maths sucks!! Still confused with that particular chapter.. for short lasting effort and long lasting grunt. (Don't be like me kiddos) sighs/ and recently there are literally A LOT OF PEOPLE asking me how's my exam. And I would like to answer for one, but when there comes a bunch of them asking the same question, I GET FREAKING ANNOYED. Pls lah, my life is not just studying. And did I just leave u guys an impression of a nerd lol. Why most of the topics are about how's exam? How to do maths question?(This one I can tolerate) and everything related to studying! Damnit!!! Am I such a social nerd?? Oh shit I've realised that I could be.
And I do really really appreciate it if u guys don't think of me as 100% positive serious gal lol. I do have my entertainments. However, it's a sad case as nobody I knew appreciates kpop. It's a bless for such awesome music to exist in this weird world. But I don't have a kpop buddy in school. Maybe there's a few but damn idk them. Kpop is my major gateway when I'm stressed. Maybe that's why I feel like not fitting in with my peers as majority of them are experiencing crushes, watching Cmovies and listening to csongs. We had no common interest so maybe that's why I have few friends but still no common interest.
And I had to convince everyone that I'm not studying 24/7. I'm quite a lazy bum, to be honest. (I procrastinate, a lot) And no, you're not thinking that I'm bluffing, but this is the truth. Quite shocking, huh? Always bear in mind, study smartly not hardly. Geez this wasn't suppose to be a studying post lol. I hope this can somehow miraculously clear your BULLSHIT perceptions about me. Thank U so much.