Tiny Finger Point Hand With Heart pandaroma: post-exam

06 December 2016

post-exam

Now that SPM is finally over, I had loads of free time. I spent most of my time watching dramas, idling, scrolling through network platforms and thinking. I was considering to take car lessons during this holiday so that I could drive wherever I want. But first, we need to take the undang exam. And I planned to find a job, merely just to experience what does it feel like to work out of my comfort zone. Nope, I haven't search for a suitable job yet. My mom insists us to complete the household chores as promised before the exam. She is all nagging. I admit that I have a bad temper. You know, when things don't go along your way, you get frustrated. I wished to do my favourite things and travel during this long-term break. There's a lot of things in my to-do list, which I anticipate to do before my exam. However, I think the suddenly disappeared burden affects my mood to kickstart my plan. I became so unmotivated to do those plans in my wishlist. 

Almost everyday I slept very late, as a student. Sometimes I sleep at 3a.m. just by surfing through Facebook and Instagram. Then I woke up at almost 12pm. I have no idea what makes me so energized during the night. 

And I'm scared of my future. I honestly don't know where I will be in the next few months. Maybe a SPM cert would determine my future pathway. My future seems so bleak. I had no idea where to study after this and I doubt my choice in choosing the right subject for me to study. And there's financial problem when it comes to furthering my studies. I'm self-conscious of this problem and probably would not attend colleges which offered too expensive course. I don't know local or private college is better, in terms of anything other than the fees. 

Right... scholarships can grant more financial aids for us. But I'm not confident in my to-be-released SPM results. You may say I'm a pro in study, but I don't think so. I have no idea why I was so nervous while facing the SPM exam. I screwed up, especially in BM and Sejarah, where both subjects are mandatory for a SPM cert. No, I'm not afraid of failing these subjects, but I doubt if I would get at least a B. There's some kind of a premonition twisting inside me right after I exit the exam hall. I'll definitely flunk the entire subject! 

I knew I had problems in time management during the exam, but I had always managed to do every subjects and recheck for every exams I've attended. But not this time. During SPM BM Paper1, we were required to write 2 essays. For the longer essay, I seriously screwed it up. Not that I don't have contents to elaborate, but I've spent overtime sketching the important points and decorating the sentence with lots of bombastic words and admiring them( lol) In the end, when the invilgator announced that we only had 10 more minutes, I began panicking. My hands were seriously trembling and I could not hold a proper pen. I begin to write my essay. Yes you heard that right. I SPENT THE LAST 10 MINS TO WRITE A MORE THAN 350 WORDS ESSAY WORTH 100 MARKS. Sounds fucked up right? In the end I wrote 3 isi and tadah, hand my paper to the kind invilgator who waited for me to complete my ending. (I implored him to give me a few mins so he just stood there waiting to collect the last piece of paper) Geez. I'm really worried for my BM result because :
1 I didn't even decorate my essay with bombastic words which I usually do
2 My handwriting were messy. I couldn't read it properly 
3 I had too few points. They want at least 4 points but I only wrote 3 (fml)
4 Why I'm so stupid in terms of time management
5 I think my trial result went off better than the actual exam
6 My friends who wrote the same topic had different points with mine

Not to flaunt my BM result but I got an A in my trial exam. 85 marks to be exact. This was my biggest achievement in this subject. Many people were putting high hopes on me but I felt so sorry for them. I've let myself down. And for now I don't even want to know my actual results, although I had a bad feeling for my language subjects especially BM and Sejarah.....

It's a tough week and I survived, at least. I had enough of studying non-stop before exam. It's tiring! I hope I can get a decent result though, just with a little bit of hope. I knew I did not give it all during this exam. I could do better. Just because I didn't study when the SPM countdown days are far. 

SPM is actually not a hard exam. It's just the last-minute studying habits that challenges us to complete the syllabus in such a short time. Shamely, I procrastinated and studied at the eleventh hour, especially Sejarah! Sejarah is by far my weakest subject as I did not really study and memorise it. 

Alright, I had no hopes for this exam. It's actually very wicked compared to past years. I admit that our batch faced a challenging exam format. Yea, SPM for this year was surely not easy (for me) 





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