Change

Often people says changing is a necessary process for growth. But sometimes, changing could be a bad thing. I think I'm not the once-honest person anymore... As much as I don't wanna admit it, but it's true- I helped others to lie/ lied to others so that the truth is protected. This is defying my own conscience. But I can't do anything just to tell the truth. The truth would upset the other person... So I chose to lie. I hate hiding the truth... 

And I hate the current me... I had trouble controlling myself. I have been pissed off over a small matter of problem and raged at nonsense. I felt so unmotivated to do anything... just staring at the TV screen lying on the couch, not finding a decent job to earn money and experiences like the norms. I hate being so useless, like a piece of junk along the roadside. I've wasted so much time doing nothing, great. Now what... it's almost the end of month and I still got zero moola and experience, yay me. (rolls eyes) 

I don't know what I'm feeling... I had no kick of motivation now. / _____ /