Change

Often people says changing is a necessary process for growth. But sometimes, changing could be a bad thing. I think I'm not the once-honest person anymore... As much as I don't wanna admit it, but it's true- I helped others to lie/ lied to others so that the truth is protected. This is defying my own conscience. But I can't do anything just to tell the truth. The truth would upset the other person... So I chose to lie. I hate hiding the truth... 

And I hate the current me... I had trouble controlling myself. I have been pissed off over a small matter of problem and raged at nonsense. I felt so unmotivated to do anything... just staring at the TV screen lying on the couch, not finding a decent job to earn money and experiences like the norms. I hate being so useless, like a piece of junk along the roadside. I've wasted so much time doing nothing, great. Now what... it's almost the end of month and I still got zero moola and experience, yay me. (rolls eyes) 

I don't know what I'm feeling... I had no kick of motivation now. / _____ /   

March

It's already the month where I'll likely experience a wide range of emotions. My driving lessons went off pretty okay, and I'm finally signing up for the mandatory exam! Auntie, like FINALLY, acknowledges my driving skill. That's a good news for me. Everyday I would wake up early to hone my driving skill at the institution. I was sleeping all the way there. Sorry, I'm way too tired. While waiting for my turn to drive a car, my friends were finding ways to kill time. We were quite desperate cause the idling is driving us insane! Almost everyone bring their own ear pods, power banks, and even food to make the waiting time more interesting. While there's me at the other side: staring at other students controlling the car under the unpredictable weather, idling like an idiot and watching at my friend playing game apps. Life at the institution couldn't be more lacklustre... But then, as I am comparing my life at the institution with my life at house doing nothing, I'd rather choose the former option. At least that's the best way to kill time: you gotta learn something everyday. Not just lying on the couch, rotting and doing all those household chores your mom is nagging about.

Don't even remind me of the upcoming 16/3. It's gonna be the worst day in our high school life- It's the release of #SPM2016 result!! I'm not mentally prepared to accept my result knowing that I screwed up in that exam. My heart aches whenever I recalled those moments. I don't wanna know the result. I'm hella afraid!! The result will surely not meet anyone's expectations. People around me are always having the mindset that I'm one of the top students in my batch. You know, expectations are scary, when reality doesn't come in what you had expected. I had a terrible experience in it. I don't wanna relive those foolish moment when I actually come up with a short route to complete my revision. That's the worst decision ever!! Okay enough of the anxiety, I hope I would find a suitable study path within the release of the damn result. That is in my top priority list.