Tiny Finger Point Hand With Heart pandaroma: October 2016




25 October 2016

?

I often question myself, is it worth it? Sleep deprived. I just got sleep for 4 hours on average. The next day I'm all sleepy and tired. Not that I'm pulling an all nighter, but I'm basically wasting my life. Fuck... I hate my time management . I have no skills.

Depressed

Well... that feeling you get when u think your world is falling apart...
There's limited time left until the final countdown of the actual exam. And I've realised that I still have many topics left to be covered. I doubt if I will be able to cover all of them and enforce them within this 13 days. This drives me mad and depressed. What exactly have I done for the past few months? Nothing. Nothing useful to improve my academic skills. And I acted arrogant and ignorant to the incoming knowledge. Now that the time is so limited, I started to be panicky. This is so unusual of me. I was so calm and collected before any exam. Because I knew there are things I don't know. It sucks. There's no use crying over split milk. But hey, there's still the final 13 days. I think I still got a tinge of hope, not much, but there still exist. Maybe I can't fly at all. Maybe I'll just touch the sky... I don't know. Looking and witnessing my friend's effort and hard work makes me feel guilty. I'm so damn regretted now. I hate myself for wasting time over Facebook and social media websites all day. Imma big procrastinator. I hate myself for that. You got no time left. It's now or never! Spm is your future. It's your final hope. Or else things choose you, not you choose things. I hate this reality. I hate reality. Reality sucks. It makes dream, a dream. Fuck. I'm living in a world of fantasies. Revolving around my comfort zone. Maybe its time to escape from all this crap. I need motivation. Please give me strength to continue my journey.

14 October 2016

Hope

There'll be challenges in our lives. What matters is how we overcome it and yes, how we view them- whether it's an opportunity to build up your character, or a an adverse toxic that will lead you to deterioration. In short, we are living in our own thoughts. The problem will not be vaporized in thin air when you decide to look at it with one eye. It still exists. Try look at the problem with courage, as that will lead you to eventually solving it. After we view things positively, and not find evil in every rocks, our life will be easier. Solved much of the problems and difficulties.

Actually what I'm trying to convey is related to what happened to me. I cared too much for what people think about me. And I'm afraid to take a step. There are always a person in your so called friendship circle who'd piss you off. And there's one in mine. I don't know why, but we always have different opinions in everything. Its that person's forte to oppose every opinion I stated. I don't know why but its damn annoying. Instructing people to obey you. We looked like we're close but we weren't. Your words, they hurt. I know I have flaws, but you emphasize them again, by starting the usual string of words:"You always...." oh please, can you filter your choice of words? It's so annoying. And knowing I have weakness when comes to friendship problems, u seemed to take advantage to go against me. Well, I became discouraged thanks to you. Knowing the exam is approaching, is that the way you defeat me? Befriending a person and then destroy them? If that's how you plan to do, I would say, you're a pathetic human being. No person should destroy other person. You're mentally bringing me down.

And yeah, I'm not going to allow you to keep me down. Maybe you're the basic weird people in my life. Without you, I can still have friends and enjoy life.

Just an advice: be brave. Reject what will drown you down. Learn to say no. Follow your institutions. And learn more to be us, not me. Don't let others bring you down. You are one unique person. Control your own life and always open the door for fake friends to go and welcome new ones to in.

I still have less than one month's time to fix things right. I can do it. Hope that I can overcome every adversity gleefully. When life knocks you down seven times, stand up eight times!

Hope

There'll be challenges in our lives. What matters is how we overcome it and yes, how we view them- whether it's an opportunity to build up your character, or a an adverse toxic that will lead you to deterioration. In short, we are living in our own thoughts. The problem will not be vaporized in thin air when you decide to look at it with one eye. It still exists. Try look at the problem with courage, as that will lead you to eventually solving it. After we view things positively, and not find evil in every rocks, our life will be easier. Solved much of the problems and difficulties.

Actually what I'm trying to convey is related to what happened to me. I cared too much for what people think about me. And I'm afraid to take a step. There are always a person in your so called friendship circle who'd piss you off. And there's one in mine. I don't know why, but we always have different opinions in everything. Its that person's forte to oppose every opinion I stated. I don't know why but its damn annoying. Instructing people to obey you. We looked like we're close but we weren't. Your words, they hurt. I know I have flaws, but you emphasize them again, by starting the usual string of words:"You always...." oh please, can you filter your choice of words? It's so annoying. And knowing I have weakness when comes to friendship problems, u seemed to take advantage to go against me. Well, I became discouraged thanks to you. Knowing the exam is approaching, is that the way you defeat me? Befriending a person and then destroy them? If that's how you plan to do, I would say, you're a pathetic human being. No person should destroy other person. You're mentally bringing me down.

And yeah, I'm not going to allow you to keep me down. Maybe you're the basic weird people in my life. Without you, I can still have friends and enjoy life.

Just an advice: be brave. Reject what will drown you down. Learn to say no. Follow your institutions. And learn more to be us, not me. Don't let others bring you down. You are one unique person. Control your own life and always open the door for fake friends to go and welcome new ones to in.

I still have less than one month's time to fix things right. I can do it. Hope that I can overcome every adversity gleefully. When life knocks you down seven times, stand up eight times!

Bangtanned

Yep. I'm having bangtan fever now~ I kept on listening to their songs and of course, hitting the replay button on 'blood sweat and tears' MV xD omg, their songs are already looping inside my brain without any efforts. If this awesome ability can be applied on my academic memorizing skills, I would be a top scorer already! I'm getting bangdamned! Lol

I wanna find an opportunity to scream, or any means to release tension. Today the homework comes like a bomb, so damn many!!! Imagine, there's 10 subject and each subject consists of at least 2 sets of papers. Oh my gosh my god how am I supposed to finish em all during the stipulated 25days?? Omg... don't ever remind me that its already 25 days... time flies so damn fast. I wish I could love myself.. by stop procrastinating.. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry xD well can't get over their songs yet, told ya I'm drunk without alcohol lol!!!

Cypher part 4 is awesome as always~ but my favourite cypher series is part3!! The instrument and the rap and the contents are blended perfectly!! <3 them so much lol Idk why, maybe I'm stressed out~ hahaha HAHAHA

You made me begin~~~ xD

02 October 2016

..pathetic

Well, what a messy situation I'm in. My mom complains that we're too lazy to do household chores, but hey, I did some!!!! You just acknowledge what I did when I'm idling. Then u don't bother what I did. What a great mom lol. When I'm using my phone u guys complain and wanted me to stop using phone. But geez, this is the way I destress okay? I don't have any options. I know life is hard for everyone of us, especially when u didn't have to do household chores at the beginning. But now everyone lost a helping hand and need to do household chores. U get frustrated when ur things can't be done and then pour out all ur feelings to us. Dafuq? And now I got help u and u tell me I'm lazy and ure waiting for the spm days. And u said after we exam we can help her to do household chores. I got do on daily basis. But I don't know why, u seem to like cleaning way too much lol. U want every corner spotless. No way. You always have a negative mindset and tried to influence us. Toxic behavior they say. And now I think i found what course I probably would take in college, but alas, u blocked my path again. Yea I would admit our family isn't rich, maybe moderate only, so can't afford to send us to college. I know that.. but what can be done? Scholarship, I told her tht.. she is uncertain of my ability to maintain the scholarship.. so maybe I'll end up staying at home helping u ouT lol.. don't know lol.. that's the problem about the road to realising ur dream, moola is the key.
And in my case, we don't have moola.
Whatever..
Let the final result to determine my future..
Since u don't want to invest some for my future?
Maybe I'm not matured enough to consider economic factor.. maybe I should listen to u by simply joining any course offered that I don't even like.